My Prayer...

So let's just say that these past few weeks have been trying for me.

I'm still struggling internally in dealing with my breakup with Julie and I am now being faced with huge changes in my life in a lot of areas. It seems that The Lord is bringing about a lot of changes in my life right now, especially concerning my group of close friends and other areas of "comfort" in my life. The Lord is moving me out of the comfort zone I've had in place for awhile now in order to grow me and move me into a new place in relationship with Him. But the problem is that I don't deal with change very well. I know the end result will be better than where I was before, but getting there is the hard part.

I am really being challenged right now in my relationship with Christ, which is a good thing. I am currently in a catalyst group that is reading a book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. There are definitely a lot of things in the book that are challenging. But I came across a specific chapter last week that I wanted to share with everyone. The chapter essentially challenges those proclaiming to be Christians to take a step back and evaluate their true relationship with (and love for) Christ.

Here is an excerpt from the book that is actually quoted from "God Is the Gospel" by John Piper:

The critical question for our generation - and for every generation - is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?

Wow! What a profound thought!

How long have I thought of heaven just as it is described above... simply as a place where you could have and enjoy everything you ever loved about the world we are currently living in, but with no problems or suffering? To be honest, for a long time I didn't even think of Jesus when I thought of the concept of heaven, other than that He would be "overseeing" things, so to speak. And as long as I could have everything I'd ever enjoyed about this world, I would be content for eternity.

But this challenges the very essence of what many people think that heaven is. Heaven is not just a place that Christians go when they die where they can have everything they've ever wanted. But I would suggest that heaven, by its purest and simplist definition, is living eternally with Jesus. Period.

But I find this text to be very challenging because there are so many things about this world that I love and enjoy. Like how can I imagine a heaven without Chipotle burritos and Ohio State football? Now I'm not saying those things won't be there. In fact, I'm sure they will. But what I am saying is that why is it that when we think of heaven we always think of earthly things we enjoy rather than simply being with Christ Himself? When it comes down to it, our love for Christ should be such that as long as He is there with us, nothing else matters.

And here lies the root of why this is rocking my world right now. Plain and simple, I often love things of this world more than I love Jesus. But why? I mean, after all, Jesus loves me more than anyone else in this world ever could, so much to the point of dying in my place. He knew me and loved me even before I was formed and He loves me even when I choose to be stupid and go my own way. But yet I continue to love things of this world more than Him and I somehow can't manage to simply put all of my trust into His way instead of the ways of this world and what I desire.

For me, it all comes down to surrendering everything to Christ. In the past, I would choose what I was willing to surrender to Him and what I would keep for myself. And I thought that was good enough. But I think that, during this difficult time in my life that is so full of uncertainty, God is clearly training me how to surrender everything to Him and put my trust fully in Him. But it is definitely not an easy lesson to learn!

One of the worship songs at church a few weeks ago says it best:

What can I say...
What can I do...
But offer this heart, O God,
Completely to You?

Indeed, sometimes God leads you to a point, maybe the lowest of lows, where there is simply no other choice than to surrender and stop running away from Him.

Chan closes the chapter with a deeply profound prayer:

Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can't do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don't, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.

I would pray that if you are like me and that, if this describes where you are in your life right now, this would be your prayer.