Restoration...

So lately, I have found myself really struggling in my relationship with God...

It wasn't too long ago that I experienced my rebirth and I was really excited to enter into the next level in my relationship with The Lord. I had a lot of passion and I had a lot of zeal, and I wanted to do things for God in obedience to what He shared with me. Everything was awesome.

But now, the passion is gone. The zeal is gone. I find myself hearing less and less from God and there are times when I wonder to myself where He has gone.

I used to love going to my church and I used to love volunteering and serving. Not anymore. I can't explain why, but I have just completely lost my passion and zeal for all of these things.

Perhaps the "honeymoon" phase is over? Perhaps now God is being silent because He is trying to bring me into a new place in my relationship with Him? Perhaps He is changing the way He speaks to me and the way He relates to me and He is patiently waiting for me to catch up?

I don't know what it is. But whatever it is, I am not liking it. Life has become more of a chore than a joy. Don't get me wrong, I still love my job, but lately it has become my entire existence. And I have been experiencing strong and painful feelings of loneliness lately. It becomes frustrating to live this way, and I just feel burnt out and exhausted. And I just don't see where God is taking me and when these feelings are going to end.

Now, I know that God hasn't left me. I know that He's always here with me. But sometimes, it sure feels like He has deserted me. I just don't understand why He leads us into these places of frustration and then remains silent. In my darkest hour and deepest need for companionship, why does He choose to withdraw His presence from me?

Lately, I've been listening to a great set of CD's by Jon Foreman. I'll probably write a separate blog on that later, because they have had such a profound meaning for me lately. But for now, I just wanted to share one of his songs with everyone.

This is a very simple song, but a powerful one. This song, entitled "White As Snow," pretty much describes what my prayer is right now.

Have mercy on me, oh God
According to Your unfailing love
According to Your great compassion
Blot out my transgressions
(repeat)

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation
(repeat)

The sacrifices of our God
Are broken in a contrite heart
Against You and You alone
Have I sinned
(repeat)

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?
Restore in me the joy of my salvation

Wash me white as snow
And I will be made whole
(repeat 2x)

Wash me white as snow

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation
(repeat)

More than anything right now, I just want God to restore me. And to restore into me the joy of my salvation through Christ. As a child of my Heavenly Father, I should be experiencing pure joy just in knowing that I am saved and that I am His child. But lately, that joy has been lacking in my life.

So I plead for restoration...